just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
