i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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