I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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