i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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