Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
