Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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