4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
