I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
