apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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