didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
