i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
