Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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