You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
