My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
