i just sent this text using only my big toe
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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