i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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