you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
so much tequila, so little girl.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
