We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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