ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
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