We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
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Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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