Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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