Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
