Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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