If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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