Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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