He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
