I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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