bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
