oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
