the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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