I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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