those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i black out too much to be "responsible"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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