There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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