i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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