I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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