flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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