I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
