How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
