You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
