FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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