Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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