So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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