This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
