You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
