ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
