You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
