I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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