paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
