I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You were trust falling into bushes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
