Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
