Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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