I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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