Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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