you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
