My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
