watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
