Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
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His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
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But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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