what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
