So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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