You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
