We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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