if i can run in heels then i can drive
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
