Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My vagina is officially offended.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
